Here is a concept I know many of us are challenged with each and every day. I know I am improving each time I practice it, and becoming more aware of its power when done well. It's about speaking up. Having a more assertive voice, a clearer point of view, and intent of what I am asking for. Across the way I speak tonally, with the language I use, but also coming from the premise that I need to ask in order to receive. No one gets away with things being simply given to them, or expecting others to be mind readers.
Being clear on what it is you're asking for and why, is paramount. If you're asking for something in a "roundabout, kind-of" way you can confuse, antagonise, complicate, miss the point, mistake, or obscure the original message. Having a clear intent is key. If need be write it down first, or practice speaking into the mirror. One way that I've recently found success with is using the recording function on my phone – play it back and listen to how your voice sounds and how you construct the sentences - do you sound timid, shy and unsure, or are you perhaps a little fired up, coming on too intense and strong? Find the middle ground - the place where you are speaking with certainty, pride and authenticity.
Another important aspect of asking for what you want is to recognise you're not alone. Independence is a great thing, but reliance on your self and you alone is not going to achieve much. Could it be asking a colleague to help out on a presentation you're struggling with writing? Asking the kids to pick up their toys or help out with some chores around the house? You'll be surprised how much people are willing to lend a hand when they are made aware, and why it will benefit you (and them). You need to bring others into your circle that are positively supporting you and also willing to help out. It's about also delivering the same back to them, and accepting your support with gratitude. Being appreciative of others helping you out, not being too shy or proud to say thanks.
Speaking up gives you a sense of freedom. It allows you to stop wondering about all the "what-if's" and the possibilities, it allows you to get closure, or a sense of relief, and most importantly gives you an answer or definitive response. Once it's out you may need to deal with the circumstances, but I guess they are all better than wasting the energy thinking and dealing with all the potential outcomes (that may never happen).
Experiment a little…
So what is one thing you could strengthen your "speaking up" voice on today?
Originally published on Oct 12, 2011
