What do therapists mean when they tell us to tune in to our inner child? What exactly is an inner child – and why should we connect with it?
In essence, the inner child is a popular psychology concept. It refers to our true or authentic self, our inner childlike "being" that was reached before we entered adulthood. No matter how old we get, our inner child is still within us and forms a part of our unconscious state.
The origins of the inner child
Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung is credited with first coining the concept of the inner child. He referred to the idea of the "puer aeternus" (male) and "puella aeterna" (female) which means "the eternal child". Several leading authors and psychologists since then have further explored the inner child – and how we can better understand it to then better understand our selves.
It might be easier to think of your inner child as a distinct and independent personality within yourself. You have your more mature adult personality, and your more immature child personality.
Becoming aware of our inner child
Ever wondered why you lash out, get frustrated, and seem to sometimes regress to a younger version of yourself? That’s your inner child surfacing.
An excellent article in Psychology Today explains, "We were all once children, and still have that child dwelling within us. But most adults are quite unaware of this. And this lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is precisely where so many behavioural, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from."
Why does our inner child matter?
The question is – why should we explore our relationship with our inner child? How can it help us?
In modern psychology, therapists believe that many of the issues we face as adults can be traced back to our inner child. While we may believe we’ve moved on from past hurts, failures, disappointments and trauma, these experiences stay lodged in our child-like identity and result in us repeating past patterns, behaviours, and beliefs.
Only once we acknowledge, understand, and accept our inner child can we (according to therapists) truly become adults. Otherwise, our insecure, uncertain, fearful, or playful inner child is the one trying to make mature, adult decisions – and that’s when problems present themselves.
As Dr Stephen A Diamond explains in Psychology Today, "We wonder why our relationships fall apart. Why we feel so anxious. Afraid. Insecure. Inferior. Small. Lost. Lonely. But think about it: How else would any child feel having to fend for themselves in an apparently adult world? Without proper parental supervision, protection, structure or support?"
If you would like to explore and connect with your inner child, find a skilled psychotherapist or psychologist near you.
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