We are usually aware of current factors in our life responsible for mental health issues such as depression, emotional eating, addictions or dysfunctional relationships. However, these 'stressors' may merely serve as 'triggers' while the actual 'distal cause' occurred years ago in childhood. 'Childhood stuff' has a subconscious influence on the emotional health, mental health, decision-making process and behavioural patterns of the adult and may create 'vulnerability' for emotional problems and 'dysfunctional' situations.
'Childhood stuff' comes from interactions between parent and child and from role modelling: Self worth, self beliefs, attitudes, thinking patterns, relationships, coping styles and unresolved negative emotions. Since 'ideal' parents are rare, we may all have some degree of 'emotional developmental needs' unmet or violated, and 'role modelling' that was less than ideal. Hence, very few will rate 'ten' for a healthy subconscious sense of Self Worth, no matter how hard we try to compensate by building Self Esteem.
Many will have some degree of 'flawed' thinking or ineffective coping styles that can leave us vulnerable to self-sabotage or repeating mistakes or being subconsciously attracted to 'dysfunctional life traps'. 'Unresolved emotional' issues or traumatic experiences caused by what parents have done (or failed to do) can result in lifelong feelings of hurt, resentment, anger or feeling unloved. The two most significant factors mentioned would be Self Worth and anger.
The Impact of Emotions on Social-emotional Development
Our subconscious Self Worth is based on the child's 'perception' of how they are valued by the parent and this impacts on every aspect of life. Self Worth tells us how 'worthy' we are (or not), how deserving of the best in life that we desire or whether we believe we are not deserving, so tend to settle for second best. Commonly, this occurs in relationship choices.
Individuals whose 'emotional developmental needs' were unmet by parents during their crucial child development stages lack the motivational components to be the best that they can be, which is the reason for their poor sense of Self Worth (maybe feeling unloved). They will subconsciously seek to meet the emotional experience that they never had back then in an adult intimate relationship. Plus, they don't believe they are worthy of the kind of partner they would like, so 'settle for second best'. Inevitably, the partner cannot meet their 'needs' and inevitably the relationship will fail to bring happiness and fulfilment.
Child anger towards parents for 'violating' an 'emotional developmental need' can have a lifelong destructive impact. The child is dependent on the parent for care so has to conceal this anger to avoid 'alienating' the parent. Hence, anger is 'repressed' into the subconscious mind and 'displaced' away from the 'object' of the anger (ie parent) and 'redirected' to a 'target that won't hit back' (ie weaker/smaller people, pets, vandalism). Hence, for 'anger issues', often it is this 'repressed anger' that is triggered inappropriately by some insignificant current event. Incidentally, when a person drinking alcohol becomes violent, it is not the alcohol 'causing' the aggression – it is existing 'repressed anger' being expressed when 'social inhibition' is switched off by alcohol.
Entrenched childhood stuff affects the brain's subcortical regions, which play an important role in the creation and retrieval of memories, emotional experience, pleasures, desires and stressful life events. What's stored in this brain structure can contribute to the child's healthy development or the risk factors for major depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder or other mental disorders.
Preventing Depressive Symptoms & Building Supportive Relationships
If 'childhood stuff' impairs ability to live a satisfying life, 'maladaptive' coping may be resorted to such as 'self-medication', which may result in substance use disorder or other forms of addiction (eg alcohol, drugs, high calorie food). If remaining unresolved, it can eventually develop symptoms of depression.
However, it is a matter of degree. Most live quite satisfactorily with some unresolved 'stuff', and although awareness does not get rid of it, we know how to cope with it and we manage to create positive relationships. On the other hand, if the 'stuff' is causing significant impairment in our daily life, so we 'bury' it deeply in our subconscious mind and 'move on', it is not going to 'go away' and can become even more destructive. Many have no awareness at all, particularly for 'repressed anger'.
So, what to do if you are considering therapy for problems such as depression, weight loss or dysfunctional life traps? Obviously, the current problem needs to be addressed but it will not be resolved effectively and permanently unless the underlying vulnerability factors from childhood are identified and resolved.
The good news is that due to the plasticity of the brain, what has been 'learned' is amenable to change. A mental health professional can help you rewire the basal ganglia, which is one of the brain's subcortical regions that controls movement, emotions and behaviours. This can be achieved by psychological type therapies and some may even achieve change with 'self help' strategies such as 'affirmations' and 'mirror work'. However, since this 'stuff' resides in the subconscious mind, any therapy will succeed only to the extent that it accesses the subconscious mind and achieves the desired 'rewiring'. Hence, some types of psychological therapy may be more effective than others.
Caveat: When addressing 'childhood stuff', it is not about creating 'victims' looking to blame parents, who for the most part 'did the best they knew how'. It is simply to identify 'causes' which become the 'targets' to address in therapy. Therefore, keys to success: (i) 'motivation' of the individual for change and (ii) accepting 'responsibility' for both the 'stuff' and the 'resolution'.
