Anger is a human emotion we try the most to push down, deny or suppress, so it does not get in the way of our daily life. Unfortunately, unexpressed anger inevitably leads to angry outbursts where we hurt others and ourselves.
The signs of anger vary from person to person. Some people may express mild irritation, others can be violent, while there are others who force themselves to keep their anger under control no matter how uncomfortable it makes them feel. Pent-up anger not only affects your physical health but also increases your risk for mental health issues, as you don't get to experience a positive emotion anymore. A study shows that people with heart disease are more likely to suffer a heart attack if they suppress angry feelings.
So, how can we learn to express strong feelings of anger in healthier ways?
What can we learn from our anger and how does it improve our emotional intelligence?
How can we benefit from constructive anger?
It is important to realise that despite bringing an uncomfortable feeling, anger is a valid emotion as any other and can tell us more about our lives and what changes we need to make. The first step in understanding our anger, and managing it effectively, is in accepting that we all will feel anger (and other emotions for that matter) at times, and that this presents an opportunity for us to understand ourselves more and refine ourselves.
This is an invitation to go deeper into the reasons behind the anger and learn how to use it to alter boundaries, for example, motivate us to change or give to a cause and so on.
How Do You Deal With Anger Issues?
Here is a short process which can be used when you are feeling a surge of negative emotions that may potentially lead to aggressive outbursts.
Start by putting on some music which has a tribal or faster beat, which can allow you permission to feel anger. Move your body, start by breathing deeply and giving yourself permission to feel, to accept and befriend all parts of you.
Imagine the 'being of anger' in front of you, it may look like a child/teen version of yourself, or a dragon, or a mass of fire or anything else. Trust what arises.
Grab the hands of this anger being and allow the anger being to move you around the room. Notice if it is controlling your movement, or if you're still in control? (Experience in non-judgement).
Keep asking the being: why are you feeling angry? (Be willing to listen to it and make changes as necessary). Sometimes, grief will be underneath the anger, so allow yourself to feel.
Then, after some time of allowing yourself to experience this, ask "how can I use this anger for good?" and " what do I need to change in my life?" Allow yourself to come to a different point of view. Always keep stable breathing, though it can be normal to stop breathing when we're trying not to feel, so if this happens gently bring yourself back to breathe.
Then, thank the anger being for their wisdom; you might notice they change or metamorphose. Revisit this process as needed.
If you would like to go deeper into this process or other negative emotions and healing, I offer sessions in learning about exploring your feelings, self-acceptance and being able to befriend all parts of you to improve your quality of life.
