Do you wish you had the confidence to speak up? Learning to be more assertive can help you get more out of life and live more confidently. In this article we provide some practical tips for being more assertive.
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for yourself without impairing others. Assertive people are able to assert their ideas and opinions confidentially and without wavering.
It's important to understand that assertiveness is not the same as aggression. While assertive people are firm in making a point, they are not intimidating or closed-minded.
Why Aren't People More Assertive?
There may be many reasons why people lack assertiveness. Psychologist Dr Linda Tillman has been quoted as saying that our society reinforces behaviour such as aggression in men and modesty in women. Rather than learn assertiveness, we're taught to either express ourselves in a defensive manner, or keep quiet. Arguably, if assertiveness was taught and reinforced during childhood, people might be more likely to speak up in a socially-acceptable way.
Top Tips for Being More Assertive
Assertiveness is a skill that you can learn. While you may find it difficult to speak up, with a little practice you can develop greater assertiveness and confidence.
Here are our top tips for being more assertive:
- Practice making more assertive statements. For example, say "It's quite cold today" rather than "It's cold today, don't you think?"
- Take time out to self-reflect on your personal values and beliefs. Having a clear belief system can help you be more assertive and staying true to yourself.
- Feel empowered to say "no" when something doesn't feel right. You can politely explain why you are declining, but don't feel that you have to apologise.
- When dealing with conflict or confrontation, use more "I feel" or "I want" statements. This shows you are defending your situation, without being overly aggressive. You could say, "I know you think…, but I feel…"
- Keep eye contact when stating your opinion and adopt an open posture.
- Have a steady voice to demonstrate conviction.
- Practice being assertive in the mirror or with a trusted friend.
If you would like to talk to someone about developing assertiveness, contact a counsellor or life coach.
Originally published on Apr 12, 2013
