We're taught to be compassionate towards others, but what about ourselves? How can we learn to love ourselves and develop self-compassion? And why should we try? In this article, we explore a few potential pathways to self-love.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is about understanding and accepting yourself, rather than beating yourself up about perceived failure or inadequacy. It's about self-kindness and caring for ourselves without criticism.
Author Dr Kristin Neff says that self-compassion also entails mindfulness, which means that we are aware of and acknowledge our pain. Moreover, it requires recognition of our common humanity. This is a seemingly Buddhist perspective, which means that rather than isolating ourselves, we see our life experience as something we share with other people. When these three elements (self-kindness, mindfulness and recognition of common humanity) are balanced, we experience self-compassion.
Self-compassion isn't about being perfect. Rather, it's about loving ourselves despite our weaknesses and without comparing ourselves to others. It's true acceptance of who we are right now, not who we hope to be or wish we were. Moreover, it's about being sensitive to our suffering.
Why Develop Self-Compassion?
To some, the idea of loving yourself may seem selfish and indulgent. From an early age, we're taught to play down our achievements and act modestly. But are we sabotaging our happiness by being our harshest critic?
There are many reasons why we should practice self-compassion. Research has found that by being self-compassionate, we can ward off depression, beat addictions and even lose weight!
Since being critical of ourselves can be a precursor to low self-esteem, depression and having an emotional relationship with food, it makes sense that self-care and compassion has the opposite effect. In fact, research is finding that people who practice self-compassion make better health choices. They exercise more, make more informed eating decisions, get more regular health checks and experience a greater sense of wellbeing. Improved self-worth then leads on to better relationships with others and perhaps even shows others how to be self-compassionate. In this way, it's hardly a selfish or self-indulgent practice!
Learning to Love Ourselves
Here are a few easy ways to practice self-compassion:
- Whenever you feel upset, angry or in pain, sit with the feeling. Stop and say, "I feel x, and this is a time where I need to care for myself and be compassionate."
- Practice meditation. This can help you develop mindfulness and develop a greater awareness of your emotions.
- Move your body. Hug yourself or rock gently to warm yourself and create a moment of self-care. Research has found that physical touching releases oxytocin which alleviates stress and calms our emotions.
If you find it hard to practice self-compassion, chat with a counsellor or life coach for some more pointers and insights.
Originally published on Aug 10, 2012
